【2008 Archives】

At first glance008 Archives Animal Crossing: Pocket Campseems like a soothing, wholesome game for those of us in need of some respite from the endless onslaught of terrible things in the world.

But, I am here to tell you that Pocket Campwill not bring you the antidote you so desperately crave. You will find yourself, like me, rueing the very day you downloaded the wretched game.

SEE ALSO: Chrissy Teigen roasted Animal Crossing for teaching us horrible morals, and she's absolutely right

For those unacquainted with Pocket Camp, it's part of Nintendo's Animal Crossingseries about building a life in a village inhabited by anthropomorphic animals. Pocket Camp'spremise is much the same, only your home base is a customisable campsite.

The aim of the game is to ingratiate yourself with other animals so they'll come and hang out at your swanky campsite (should it meet their exhaustive list of requirements).

But, this game—while wonderfully calming and hopelessly addictive—is also downright infuriating. Here's why.

You build tents that you cannot even enter

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One of the most disappointing things about choosing and crafting the tent of your dreams is that your character won't be able to get inside it. Oh, you can watch while all your guests make use of the tent, as they blow bubbles in their sleep. But, you—or rather, your Pocket Campalter ego—won't even have the option of going inside your own tent.

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The animals are demanding little sh*ts

The premise of the game is to befriend animals by doing favours for them—like bringing them fruit, insects and fish—to increase your friendship level with you. The point of nurturing your relationship with these adorable little animals is that they'll someday agree to come visit your campsite.

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Of course, once you issue your animal with an invitation, you then receive a ransom list of Mariah Carey-esque demands that you must meet so that they'll visit you. Sure, it's all part of the game, but there's something in these animals' tone that feels a little bit haughty and rude.

You can't do very much with your friends

I was so thrilled at the prospect of visiting my IRL friends' campsites on Pocket Camp, but when I went along to my friend and esteemed colleague Damon Beres' camp, allI could do was bestow some kudos upon him, and buy two fish in exchange for some bells. Obviously I'm happy to give kudos, but that was basically all I could do. I couldn't have a conversation with Damon's alter ego, and, crucially, I was unable to make use of any of the facilities at his campsite. Nor could I speak to any of his guests. Making camp friends is, in short, boring and pointless.

You can't have more than one rug at any given time.

One thing that is really getting my interior design goat as I construct my campsite is that I'm not allowed to have more than one rug at any given time. I stupidly crafted a second green rug while labouring under the misapprehension that I'd be allowed MORE THAN ONE DAMN RUG.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

You just give and give and give

It's all give, give, give with Pocket Camp. I'm forever servicing the needs of these damn anthropomorphic animals, giving them cherries and running around to catch butterflies for them. But, where are my apples and peaches? Who's catching butterflies and bugs for me? Does anyone care about my needs?

You can't actually make use of any of the fun stuff

There's something deeply frustrating about crafting a camp busting with fun activities and delicious snacks only to find that you—the creator—aren't actually able to enjoy any of it. I have spent countless resources on cups of tea, pizzas, colouring baskets, drum sets. But, can my character enjoy any of these things? Nope! Playing Pocket Campis an entirely selfless task. It's fine, Bunnie, go ahead and enjoy that cup of tea. It's fine.

All these (highly irritating) things considered, I'm still playing this damn game. And, my desire to keep on playing it doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon.

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